Motherhood

On Frogs and Other Fears

September 22, 2015 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 12 Comments

Fact: I am a worrywart and a scaredy-cat.

A lot of things freak me out. I’m easily startled by strange noises and sudden movements. I jump like a cat when someone sneaks up on me. I worry all the time about a lot of things, and I’m a worst-case scenario thinker.

You’d never think this about me because I’m generally a cheerful person, but it’s true. I spend 50% of my day lost inside my own head. If it sounds like I’m kinda crazy, that’s okay. I think the best people are all a little bit nutty anyway.

mrspcuyugan — No, this doesn’t look like a worrywart’s face.

My greatest physical fear is most definitely frogs, and I’ve said this several times before (like here, here and here.) I’m also scared of the idea of ghosts and I never want to see, feel, hear or smell one, ever. Same goes for demons, and stuff or people possessed by them.

Just as I typed that, my mom’s phone rang and I literally jumped. See what I mean? I really am a scaredy cat. It doesn’t help that her alert is The Count’s laugh with matching thunder in the background.

More than these seemingly silly fears, I also worry about bigger, more serious, meaning of life things. I worry about MrC during his daily commute to and from the office.

I think about Little MrC while he’s in school, whether or not he had enough time to finish his lunch, and if his immune system is strong enough to battle the germs and viruses that live on campus.

I think about myself and my own health, wonder if I am getting enough sleep, and scold myself over my lack of daily exercise. I worry about oncoming and overtaking cars while driving. I am scared that my gas oven might explode when I light it.

I guess it really is a mom’s nature to worry, and my own personal nature to have these fears.

Oh, I could go on and on with these things but I know that I shouldn’t. Worrying, fretting and fearing wastes a lot of time. At the same time, I know that every once in a while it’s important to think about them and acknowledge these fears.

I believe that, as long as they don’t paralyze you, fears will keep you on your toes, careful and cautious with every step. Then again, I could just be fooling myself. A result of watching too much Divergent.

I only hope that I don’t pass my own fears on to my son. There was a point where it looked like I would. I’d see him panic at the sight of lizards. I’d hear him run across the hall to our room at night because he didn’t want to be alone in the dark.

Then he did something that made me feel like he’ll be okay, and that I’m not such a bad role model after all.

The other night, it was rainy when we drove home after dinner. We all got out of the car and I went straight for the front door, which was locked.

I tried digging through my bag for my keys but MrC stopped me and walked quickly to the door to unlock it himself, which was unusual. The entire time, the kiddo quietly stood behind me, which was unusual. Of course I’m only realizing these strange things now!

The husbandry finally unlocked the door and I took a step towards it. Then of course a little frog just had to cross my path! It was really small, only about the size of my big toe, and dark. I thought it was a bug. Then I realized it was hopping and the freak out ensued.

When we were safely inside, the kiddo told me that he had seen the frog right away but chose not to say anything because he didn’t want me to get scared.

The following day, he checked around the car before I got out to make sure that Froggy Friend wasn’t back to get me. He unlocked the house for me, closed the gate, and brought his own stuff inside.

I went straight in because I could hear a chorus of frogs croaking all around us. Oh the joys of being surrounded by empty lots in the rain.

All of a sudden my son is braver than I am. All of a sudden I see more of that big boy and less of the baby that used to live in his skin. I know that he has his own set of fears, too, but I see that he is learning to face them.

I suppose I should take a cue from my little one and learn to be braver in the face of all my fears, too. I guess it would do me good to lighten up and step outside of my head more often.

It’s times like these that make me think that I learn more from my son than he does from me. More than anything it makes me feel happy and proud to know that I’ve somehow done something right with that little guy.

Still, I dread the day when he will come home and say, “Mom, I need to bring a frog to school for Biology class.” Oh, kamote.

What are your worries and fears, and how do you handle them?

On Acceptance and Rejection

September 29, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 26 Comments

One of my fears as a mom is that my son might find himself rejected or disliked by other kids. It isn’t because I feel that my child is unlikable. It’s more because he is an only child, and for a long time he has been more comfortable interacting with adults than with other kids. I’m lucky with this kid, though. He’s friendly, outgoing and adaptable. Over the time he’s spent in school he has managed to make a lot of friends. We both have, actually, as I have also started enjoying my time chatting with the ladies these kids call mommy.

Who wouldn't want to hang out with this cool guy? — Who wouldn’t want to hang out with this cool guy?

Worrying about your child being rejected is normal for any parent, I think. It was something that I was preparing myself for, in case we had to deal with it. What I wasn’t expecting was the possibility of my child being on the other side of the situation. I didn’t realize that it was possible for other kids to feel rejected by my son. Not intentionally, of course. Kids will choose to hang out with the ones they feel are fun to be around, and not with the intention of leaving others out. But well, in forming these little groups, someone may inevitably be left out.

Lola was one of his best friends growing up

And again, I feel I am lucky with this one. He didn’t realize at first that he was unknowingly alienating another kid. Once we talked to him about it, though, and explained that the other child felt sad about not being included in their play group, he immediately decided to adjust. In fact, in his list of things to do for the week, he even added an extra space for that kid’s name on his playdate invite list. I am lucky with this one because he is friendly, outgoing and adaptable. He is understanding and compassionate, too. And so are the kids that he chooses to have around him in his circle of friends. I’m happy that he chose wisely, and I’m happy that they also have chosen to be his friend.

Have you had any issues on acceptance and rejection with your children? I’d love to read your stories.

Homework, Then and Now #MotherhoodMonday

August 25, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 21 Comments

The little boy and I are just about done with the first term of this school year. As I’d expected, the third grade is a lot more challenging than last year was, and there’s a lot more work that needs to be done, too. I can’t help but compare how things were during my time as a student with my son’s, after all, he is going to the same school that I went to. I’m also the one tutoring him and helping him with his homework, so I see exactly how fast their learning pace is, and how advance their lessons seem to be.

At the same time, things are also easier on the children now as compared to before, particularly when technology is factored in. I remember having to manually sift through thick, dusty library books all the way til college, just to be able to gather information I needed for reports and projects. Now, the kids have the internet and awesome search engines at their fingertips. Back then, even filling out the bibliography pages of reports was a complicated procedure. Now, tools like cite.com make it so quick and easy to create citations. Oh if only we had these things back when I was in school!

As a parent, I still can’t help but worry sometimes that the curriculum for the school year may be too tough for my 8-year old to handle. And I completely sympathize with other parents who feel that way. I often see them voicing their concerns out in our parents association Facebook group. I’d like to think, though, that these little guys have brains that are a bit more advance than ours were at that age. And I really am pleasantly surprised when I see my son learning more and doing more. Sure, it’s difficult for me to tutor him because I find the topics quite advanced for a third grader. But that’s me. Since he is more than able to keep up in class, I guess there really is no cause to complain. Maybe I’m the one who needs to adjust.

Parents, do you tutor your children? Do you feel that the things they learn at their age are a lot more difficult than what you had to study at that grade level?

Reset (Plus, the Winner of My Mind Museum Giveaway)

April 21, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 3 Comments

After unknowingly (again!), and unintentionally overloading myself to the point of not functioning properly, I am officially declaring this first day after Easter my RESET day. I went on an unplanned vacation from blogging over holy week because my hosting provider has some Heartbleed issues, and the server was shut down for a bit. I also chose not to work from Good Friday onward, and instead hung out with the boys, crocheted a bit, did some fun Easter crafts and, basically, enjoyed myself. Sure, I now have a bit of catching up to do, but I also am more focused, organized and motivated to work. And that, my friends, is why taking a break and hitting the reset button is a must, every once in a while.

We spent the no-work days at home, playing cards and board games

My friend, Martine, recently published a similar post, sharing about how she is learning to make time for nothing, over at Make It Blissful. It’s a really great read, and something that I actually learned a lot from. One of the changes that I am making after this reset, as I’ve learned from Martine’s post, is to incorporate blank spaces in my schedule. No more overloading my days. I am definitely gonna start making time for nothing. I need those blank hours so that I can do the things that I like. Generally, I work better when I’m happy, and so I need to figure out how to stay happy. Makes sense, right?

Me time = happiness. MrsC me time means reading, crochet and felt crafts!

Over my two years of WAHM-ing, I’ve started to realize my daily work limit, and I think that it’s time for me to apply this. I also need to remember to make time for chores and errands, not exactly my favorite things in the world to do, but important stuff nonetheless. And, most importantly, I need to solidify my daily time with the boys. With MrC, this is usually TV time in the evening, after the kiddo goes to bed. The kiddo and I, on the other hand, have the luxury of doing whatever we can and want to do together during the day, the absolute perks of being a WAHM!

This Easter banner was something that our whole family was able to work on together

So today, Reset Day 1, has been well-spent so far. I got a good night’s sleep, got to see MrC off to work this morning, prepared a nice big breakfast for myself and the little boy, and I’ve already submitted one of my two articles due today. This blog post is another thing I can cross off my list already, and it isn’t even noon yet. Oh, and I also allowed myself to watch The World’s Cutest Cats on TV with the little boy earlier. Yup, this is definitely a great day already.

Easter Sunday was a great day, too, spent with the boys, my best WAHM friends and their families. Blogging about this soon!

I hope that you’re all having a great day, too. I wish I could help make today amazeballs for all of you, but right now I only have to power to do this for one – the winner of my Mind Museum giveaway. Congratulations Astra C. Alegre! Please send your full name, contact number and complete mailing address to mrspcuyugan at gmail dot com.

What, for you, makes a great day? A little gratitude goes a long way, and I’d also like to know what you’re thankful for today. 😀

Building Better Family Routines and Habits

March 11, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 14 Comments

This is my second post about the #BetterMe session that I recently attended with Coach Pia, The One Core and the SoMoms about strengthening and developing better family habits this summer. Part one is here.

Before anything, I want to share what I had for lunch during our session.

I love that the Dads, Saisaki and Kamayan restaurant chains are run by a family. This is such a family place to be, after all. That explains why these restaurants do celebrations so well. I love how Mara Villavicencio, now the Managing Director of Dads Ultimate Buffet, told the story of how the restaurant started in Megamall 20 years ago, and how it has innovated over the years. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by their new offerings that include shakes and juices, plus Milo for kids, oysters, a seafood grill, Chinese food and other Asian selections. In my opinion, all that’s missing now is a branch in the south! Haha.

Mara Villavicencio, Managing Director of Dads Ultimate Buffet

Now, back to the session. The reason why I decided to write this part separately from my first post is because building better routines and habits for the family is something that I know I need to work on, not just over the summer, but for the entire year. I tend to completely wear myself out with overloaded days filled with family time, celebrations, errands, homework and review time, cooking, writing jobs, blogging, and all sorts of other activities. And then I end up with a series of totally unproductive days where I’m burned out and unable to do anything but play video games, blog-hop and watch movies on TV. And then things pick up again, and the cycle goes on and on.

A question, moms and dads, and tell me the truth. Who’s more excited about summer being so close ahead, you or your kids? Between the kiddo and I, I’d say it’s me. Just look back at my blog posts and Instagram feed over the last few weeks, and you’ll see how truly stuffed our first quarter was. I need to learn to pace myself, not just for my sake, but for the boys too. We need to develop a good flow of activities – daily, weekly and monthly – and I know that I should take charge of this. Thanks to the #BetterMe session, I now have a pretty good idea of where to start.

Start with zero doubt in your mind that you are capable of deciding what is best for you and your family.

This is where to start. You need to empower yourself to take charge of building the best routine for your family and household by knowing that you can do it. And, as Coach Pia says, it is in proper planning that this self-doubt is eliminated. Doubt happens when you are exhausted because you either have no plan or have over-planned. So, by believing in yourself and going ahead and planning well, you take care of yourself in the process and eliminate your self doubt.

Second, get organized. Map out your year by quarters, then plot out all of your major activities, celebrations and family events.

Coach Pia gave us all pie charts where we could write the various activities we had in each quarter. Plotting it out this way helps you see just how loaded a month is compared to other months within the same quarter. Just the same, you can also compare one quarter to the others in the year, and there you’ll see when your peak and lean seasons are. Then you’ll know when you have time to spare for things like general cleaning, maybe a garage sale, a vacation, or whatever. It will also help you balance out your major tasks and activities for your family, your personal stuff, social life, work and school. Assess each month or quarter, and if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, simplify. Focus on making the quality of the time spent worthwhile for everyone.

Set aside recreational time for the family.

Find time to play games, have a picnic, or simply share a meal together with your loved ones. Not only does this give you time to bond and strengthen your family ties, it also gives you a valuable opportunity to gather data from your family members. If you pay close attention, and listen instead of talk, you’ll discover the things that they want to do and where they want to go, and it will help you in your planning as well. Try to plan a unique activity that you can do with each of your children and your spouse. These, too, are great opportunities for you to gather more data. Remember, don’t just talk. Listen. And be receptive too.

Evaluate and be open to change.

Take the time to think about how you have been spending your time with your family. Also think about the activities and events that you have planned out for yourself and for the group. Have these been working out for you? If your answer is yes, then great. Keep on keeping on. If you feel that there is room to change, then adjust. Be open to change, and know that it could be for the best.

Finally, don’t forget to set aside time and energy for yourself.

Time and energy, okay, not just one or the other. There have been times when I would schedule a foot spa for myself and fall asleep halfway through it. Yes, I made time, but I forgot to allocate energy, obviously. An unless you have both, chances are you won’t really enjoy your me-time. Remember, at the very start we said that you need to take care of yourself too, and that exhaustion brigs about self-doubt? Well, that’s why giving yourself a break is important. See? It is a cycle.

Now, excuse me while I go sort out our messy schedule.

Thank you again to The SoMoms and Your Brand Story for inviting me to this event. Thanks also to The One Core and Coach Pia for making amazing sessions like this available to mommies like me. Also to Unilab, for supporting activities that aim to help us become better versions of ourselves. And finally, to the people behind Dad’s, Saisaki and Kamayan for hosting us and treating us to such a yummy lunch. Thank you.

For the latest promos and offerings from Dads, Saisaki and Kamayan, check out their website and Facebook page.

Let’s Make This Summer A Meaningful One

March 3, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 20 Comments

Today is the first Monday of March, and also the first of the last four Mondays for this school year. I think I need a minute to let that sink in. Wow. Summer really is fast approaching, and I can’t even pretend that I don’t feel it lurking around the corner coz it’s been so hot out lately!

I mentioned before that summer is a challenge for me because I have no clue how I’m gonna keep my son busy enough over those 2 months. I want him to enjoy, to still learn, and of course I’ll need time to work. I refuse to work late at night like I used to. Sorry, but sleep is a must for me these days. That means I need to be creative. I think I’ve taken for granted the fact that my son is in school for 8 hours a day, and I get this amazingly long window of time to work and run errands. The thought of having to figure out what to do for 8 whole hours, every day, for 2 months scares me a little. Or maybe a lot.

I want to be prepared, so as early as now I’ve started planning. Luckily, I was invited to attend a #BetterMe session with the SoMoms a few weeks ago about strengthening and developing better family habits over the summer. It was just what I needed, so of course I jumped at the chance to attend, even if it meant crossing the Skyway AND my favorite EDSA so that I could be at Megamall by 10 AM on a school day. Yes, that’s how bad I wanted to be there, coz I knew that I needed all the tips I could get. Let me tell you, the session did not disappoint.

Super awesome learning session with Coach Pia, The One Core and The SoMoms

Okay fine, I also really wanted to eat at Dad’s Ultimate Buffet. Haha!

Coach Pia shares these very simple, yet very “Aha!” tips in planning a meaningful summer for your family. I say these are “Aha!” tips because they kind of open your eyes to what you may or may not already be doing. Also which things you might think you are doing right, but, in fact, are not.

1. It’s not about you.

I, honestly, am guilty of pre-planning summer classes for my son based on what I used to do during my childhood summers. Who else is guilty of this, raise your hands? I was thinking about soccer classes, swimming, tennis, maybe piano, all the stuff I did before. I was surprised when Little MrC told me that he wanted to try voice lessons and that his friend was taking them. I guess I might have overlooked the fact that he had his own ideas about what to do over the summer too. Remember, summer is not an opportunity for you to bring your child to the program of your dreams.

Four tips from Coach Pia on how you can plan a meaningful summer

2. Don’t just sign up and then inform the child after .

Coach Pia pointed out that this was where a lot of parental frustration stems from. If you enroll your child in something that you chose and he or she ends up not liking it, you feel frustrated. But then, the whole situation could have been avoided if you had just asked your child first before actually signing up.

3. Trial and error.

Number 3 was a super “Aha!” moment for me. Trial and error – it sounds so simple, and yet I never thought to do it the way Coach Pia suggests. Expose your child to different possibilities by having him or her observe a class. Or, even better, take advantage of trial sessions. Also, don’t enroll for a full course right away. Start with maybe 4 sessions first, max, then see how it goes from there. And here I was planning to sign up for 12 sessions of soccer at the onset. Thank goodness I hadn’t yet, because after observing a class at a nearby field, it didn’t seem like my little boy was THAT into the sport. Oh well. Finally, ask in advance and give your kid time and room to change his or her mind.

4. Give your kids generic categories of activities that they may want to do.

I love this one! In my case, since my kid chose a music course already, I told him that he might want to think about doing sports or art, too. He told me he’s think about it, so we’ll just have to see from there. But at least for the first week, I already have potential music classes to keep him occupied. Oh thank goodness.

5. If your child is more involved in choosing an activity, then he or she tends to stick with it longer.

This is something that I’ve since learned to do. And, well, it works! There’s more commitment there. This goes for big things, like enrolling in summer classes, and small things too, like which art project to do on a weekend afternoon. And just in case your kid decides he or she wants to do something else, don’t show that you’re frustrated or disappointed. Remember that they are still exploring their likes and learning about their skills and talents. It’s good for them to be immersed in different activities so that they can learn while learning more about themselves, too.

6. Guide your child to look back, learn from the experience and move forward with self-knowledge.

And finally, tip number 6. Yes we should allow our kids to explore. But we should also be there to guide them along the way. We, as parents, are the safe place to fall, as Coach Pia says. Whether their experience was good or bad, we are the people that our children will come to. If they had an amazing time, then we should encourage (encourage, not pressure) them to keep on keeping on, especially if we ourselves see that they excel in a particular activity. On the other hand, if things didn’t go so well, we should also be there to listen and to help them find the confidence to keep trying until they find something that will work for them.

Oh, and here’s a bonus tip for those of you with more than one kid. As much as possible, don’t enroll your kids in the same class because it encourages competition and might breed sibling rivalry. My brother and I did most everything together when we were younger and I remember how swimming instructors and tennis coaches would compare our performances. Based on what I went through, I’d say Coach Pia has a really great point here.

Planning for a meaningful summer is actually a team effort that the whole family has to get into together. Lucky for me, Team de Castro-Cuyugan is super solid, and we’re all behind our one and only little boy, 100%. We’re lucky, too, that we have the means to enroll the kiddo in the summer classes of his choosing. As Coach Pia said, the only reason to say no is if your budget can’t accommodate it, and so far this hasn’t been a major problem for us. I just hope he doesn’t as to learn golf anytime soon. Now that’s an expensive sport!

What plans do you have for your kids over the summer?

PS I really hope that you learned (even just a bit) from this post! This is only part one. I’ll be writing about developing better family habits and routines in a separate post coz this one is already super long.

PPS I want to say thank you to The SoMoms and Your Brand Story for inviting me to this event. Thanks also to The One Core and Coach Pia for making amazing sessions like this available to mommies like me. Also to Unilab, who tirelessly supports activities that aims at making us better versions of ourselves. And finally, to The Dad’s, Saisaki and Kamayan group aka Dad’s World Buffet, known to me during my childhood as Triple V, thank you for the amazing lunch and for hosting us last February. I cannot wait to come back and try everything that I wasn’t able to try that day! So. Much. Yummy. Food!