Motherhood

When Should You Start Giving Your Kid An Allowance?

January 30, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 29 Comments

After picking up my son from school today, I literally parked the car, sent him to the bathroom to take a shower and sat down at my computer. You see, something’s bothering me, something urgent. Not life-threatening or world-moving urgent, but definitely mommy urgent. I need your advice.

My son asked his friend to buy him an ice cream cone

When I got to school, the kiddo was at the pickup area eating an ice cream cone. Some of his classmates get sent money when they go to school, and they like to go to the cafeteria after class to get snacks. I know this because there have been a couple of times in the past when my son told me that his friend bought him a treat.

Thing is, my son doesn’t have an allowance just yet. MrC and I talked about it, and we decided together that we can give him small amounts of money when he asks, but not a regular weekly allowance. In the beginning, I thought it might be a good idea to give him maybe a hundred Pesos at the start of each week and see how it goes from there. When we discussed, though, MrC pointed out that the kid gets a packed lunch and recess too, and that it might be a little too much to send him money regularly. So we agreed to only give him cash if and when he asked. Which he never did.

I asked if his classmate offered to treat him, or if he asked for money to buy the ice cream. Unfortunately, he asked. He said that he just really wanted to buy ice cream. I told him that he should have asked me for money this morning, and that I would have given it to him if he asked.

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On Parents and Hair Cuts

January 29, 2014 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 15 Comments

I have two questions for you guys. One, did your parents ever cut your hair when you were little? And two, do you cut your child’s hair?

My answers are one, yes and two, no. I have this theory that the two experiences are directly linked to one another. Please, feel free to correct me if you think that I’m wrong.

When We Were Little, Mom Cut Our Hair [Read more…] about On Parents and Hair Cuts

Tristan, I Am Your Mother

May 25, 2013 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 2 Comments

Hi there. Could you please do me a favor and re-read the post title in your best Darth Vader voice? Done? Great, thanks!

This photo belongs to my sister-in-law, Melissa.

So yes, Tristan is my son, and I am his mother. To me, this means that there is a good chance that bits and pieces of my little old self will manifest in this awesome little boy. Actually, I think I already see a lot of myself in him, although for the most part I still see him as MrC’s mini me more than anything. And that is why I call him Little MrC. Makes sense?

This boy is growing up in the same environment I grew up in. He is even going to the same school I went to. He is able to enjoy a lot of the things that I once enjoyed as a little girl. He seems to react to a lot of situations the way that I do too, and that leads me to the assumption that he may someday have to cross the same bridges that I had to cross on my journey to adulthood.

I must make it clear that I had a wonderful childhood, but as it is with life, it wasn’t without hurdles and struggles. Some challenges which felt monumental back then seem quite ridiculous now, looking back, but of course that’s because I’ve already learned my lessons as far as those issues are concerned. I know that pretty soon I will be reliving those challenges, this time from the other side, as a parent, and I will have to watch my son struggle through them in order for him to learn his life lessons too.

The day he learned to make faces at the camera

Since I have 23 years on this little guy, I would like to think that I’m generally more seasoned and mature, and therefore qualified to dispense advice. This holds particularly true for matters that I experienced growing up that he may also someday face. Of course, I know that it won’t always be exactly the same, specially since he is a boy and I am obviously a girl. Nevertheless, I know that my words of wisdom may come in handy someday. That is, after all, part of my job description as is mom.

As a mom, I am also filled with much hope, many dreams and countless fears as far as this little boy is concerned. As he gets older, I see that slowly but surely his little protective baby cloud is fading away, and he is becoming more and more exposed to the reality of life. He now understands and sees more things, and in effect he feels more too. I actually shared about a bad morning that he and I had a few weeks ago on my latest post on World Moms Blog. That was a real eye-opening experience, as prior to that, I didn’t realize that he was already capable of having bad mornings and bad days the way that big people do. Yup, I saw a little bit more of the baby cloud fade away right there.

Baby clouds. That's what we look like in this photo. — Baby clouds. That’s what we look like in this photo.

That scares me, and I know that it scares him too, even just a little bit. My first impulse is to try to shield him from what’s out there, try to somewhat mend that baby cloud and keep his innocence intact for as long as I still can. Then I realized that by doing that, I may actually be working backwards and not propelling us forward, that I might be messing with his maturing process, and robbing him of valuable lessons that he can and must learn on his own from here on out.

So, even if it’s hard to let go, I am trying to, little by little, as best I can. I am letting him see, hear, feel and experience the world as it really is, slowly but surely, little by little. It’s his turn to explore. I fear that all of these things will overwhelm him, that he will be negatively influenced, that he will get hurt because he doesn’t yet know what he’s about to come face to face with. But I also know that unless I allow him to take that first step, to venture out, then he may never know. I’ve lived a rather sheltered life and I know how being naive affected me negatively growing up. I wouldn’t be doing my job as his parent by knowing this, and yet allowing him to go through life naive as well.

So instead, I would like to try to channel my fears into hopes, because I am optimistic that way. I hope that he will heed my advice when the time comes. I hope that life goes easy on him. I hope that he learns to find joy in every little thing. And of course, my biggest hope of all is that he grows up to be an amazing young man, someone that people will trust and love, someone who is sure of himself, someone who stands up for what he believes in and fights for what he is passionate about, someone who is capable of facing his fears, of overcoming obstacles, and of making a difference.

I hope that someday, when he is a man grown and I am old and moldy, he will tell me over brunch that he has successfully chased after his dreams, and that finally, all he ever wished for is right at the palm of his hands. From today until that day comes, I will continue to be Tristan’s mom, his number one fan and his fiercest critic, his most loyal adviser and his best-est friend. And when that brunch moment happens, on that day that I already foresee will be beautiful, I know that I will hold all of my fulfilled dreams in my hands as well.

PS This is my homework post for Write On Mom, a workshop for moms who blog which I attended last weekend. I’ll be posting about the session soon. Need to ~~steal~~ borrow photos first. Lol.

Memoirs of a Breastfeeding Mommy

December 5, 2011 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 4 Comments

Mr C and I have been preparing some of the kiddo’s baby stuff to be passed on to our cousins who are new parents. We’re lucky that we got practically everything we needed from our baby shower, and I can’t stress enough how choosing to have a gift registry was our key to success.We managed to take good care of most of our things, and so we are now able to share them with relatives and friends in need, instead of them having to buy new stuff. I’m happy that the kiddo’s cousins will get to make their own memories with the stuff we used and loved ourselves over the years – our stroller, car seat, high chair, playpen, electric sterilizer and food warmer, and an assortment of toys and clothes.This evening over dinner, we were enumerating the things that Mr C will be turning over to one of his cousins this week, when I remembered that I had loaned my breast pump to a friend. The mere mention of my breast pump got everyone laughing, remembering the difficult time we all while I was breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding Icon from Wikimedia Commons

The kiddo was one of those babies who never really learned how to drink milk straight from mommy. At first I thought it might have been because I was doing it wrong, specially since one of my friends who gave birth about the same time as I did was breastfeeding practically every hour and without any difficulty. I realize now that some kids just never really learn to latch on, and I remember that my mom had the same problem with my sister when she was a baby. Despite the fact that he didn’t quite get how to suck, I was determined to give the kiddo breast milk, and so I spent a good part of my first days as a new mom attached to a breast pump.

I got myself a trusty Pigeon electric breast pump, and I remember my mom telling me how lucky I was that they actually made motorized ones already, coz back in the day it was manual and a lot more difficult. I also had a manual pump, but I really preferred to use the electric one since it made life a whole lot easier. Still, even though this was supposedly the easy way, it was very difficult just filling up a 4oz bottle, and I really wished that the kiddo had just learned to take the milk straight from me. That would have been a whole lot better compared to my routine of sterilizing bottles, pumping and storing milk, then warming the bottles up each and every time he got hungry. Lucky for me, everyone in our household helped out, and so breastfeeding was literally a struggle for all of us.

Mr C cracked a joke during our conversation earlier that my poor breast pump was completely overworked, like a small generator trying to power an entire building. I suddenly remembered the day that Pigeon breast pump broke down and just stopped working. It made one last low hum before it died completely, and so began my excruciating experience of manual milk pumping. And oh my goodness, how tough it was. My hand eventually cramped up in the middle of the day from squeezing that crazy little pump, and I had to ask for help. Throughout the course of that afternoon and evening, both my mom and Mr C had a chance to work that pretty pink breast pump, just so we could come out with enough milk to feed out little kiddo. We were so exhausted by the end of that day that the following morning, my mom went to the store and bought me a brand new Pigeon electric pump.

Check out my face. That's what a mom who doesn't know what she's doing looks like. Haha! — Check out my face. That’s what a mom who doesn’t know what she’s doing looks like. Haha!

After only five weeks, I stopped producing milk, I guess because my glands weren’t getting any actual stimulation from the baby. Meanwhile, my happily breastfeeding friend was able to get by on just breast milk until her daughter was two years old. How I wish things could have been the same for us. It would have saved us a lot of money, as the discovery that baby formula was impossibly expensive was our next parenting challenge. We learned a lot in our first three months as parents, and I’m really hoping that when we have our next baby, we get to nail this breast feeding challenge already. When that will be, I really can’t say. One thing’s for sure, it won’t be any time soon.

Much love and happiness,

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A Lesson in Parenting From My 5-Year Old

October 24, 2011 by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan 2 Comments

As things would have it, my little boy taught me a thing or two about parenting one Sunday night. He and I had spent three full days together at home, something completely out of the ordinary given his daily classes and my erratic work schedule. But there we were, on the last stretch of our long weekend together, tired and weary. Or at least I was feeling tired and weary. He, on the other hand, always the eternal bundle of energy, had a lot of questions he still had to ask, and a lot of things he still wanted to do. Meanwhile, my patience was running low and I just wanted to turn out the lights and get some peace and quiet.

Just when I thought I could take no more, he says, “I wish you could stay home again tomorrow mommy. Because I still want to stay with you and be with you and hug you and kiss you.”

And at that moment I felt a little pinch of guilt in my chest for having gotten annoyed with my five-year old son.

He asked me to get his favorite pillow, which he had forgotten in his grandparents’ room. As tired and weary as I was, I just had to get up and do that one favor for the little guy because that’s just how it is. When you’re a parent, you need to learn to be the bigger person because at the end of the day, you ARE the bigger person. At the end of the day, your kid needs you. He asks questions because he wants to learn from you. He bugs you about doing so many things simply because he wants to do them with you. At the end of the day, you should remember to be thankful that he wants his days and nights to revolve around the time you spend together.

I told him I had to go back to work tomorrow, but I promised to find a way to spend another long weekend with him. He said he wanted me to stay for five days next time. Of course I told him I’d try. Luckily his dad remembered that he will be home for the coming long weekend, and that he will get to spend five whole days with the the little boy. He hugged his dad tight when he found out.

I got up to go to my parents’ room to fetch the little guy’s pillow and his dad whispers to me that the kiddo was counting. I looked over at him and saw him with his arms outstretched, bending his fingers as he counted. And I reminded myself that he was just a kid. He’s such a smart one that I forget just how little he is, and I have to check myself when I realize that sometimes I expect too much from him.

He’s growing up so fast. I should remember to enjoy the moments when he just wants to be a kid with me. Those times when he just wants me to act like a kid with him. He looked so cute counting on his little fingers all the days he would be spending with his mommy and daddy. Days that I wish would just last forever.