Ah, newlywed bliss. Would that it could last forever. I always feel extra cheesy and lovey dovey after coming from a wedding. I think it’s a girl thing. Or maybe it’s a wife thing. It’s definitely a MrsC thing.
Our friends and relatives are (finally) tying the knot one by one. We went to a wedding last month and another just yesterday. We have another one happening soon, and a few more after that. So much love in the air. I lovette!
Being the old married couple that I feel we are (I mean hello, 3 years of marriage, 6 years of living together, 8 years as parents and a total of 15 years as a couple), we most definitely have had our share of heavenly highs and hellish lows. Even so, because none of my siblings or super close friends have gotten married yet, I’ve never had the chance to share any marriage wisdom at a wedding. I realized this last night.
So, I have decided to share what I’ve learned about love, relationships and marriage here on the blog just because I can. Also because these are things that we have tried and tested throughout the years, and they have worked out well for us so far.
Here are my 7 tips for a happy married life
Happy wife = happy life. Happy husband = happy wife = happy life
99% of the time, MrC gives me what I want. Whether it’s an ice cream sundae late at night or a new Samsung Galaxy Tab (yay, thank you, MrC!), if he can find a way to get it for me, he will. Happy wife, check. But see, it doesn’t start and end with him spoiling me. Ladies, we have to do our part, too.
Breakfast for two. #CornedBeef especially requested by the sick boy @paulvincentcuyugan. A photo posted by MrsC | Patricia Cuyugan (@mrspcuyugan) on
I firmly believe that your husband will spoil you if you deserve to be spoiled. And really, it isn’t hard to keep them happy. Surprise them with their favorite meal. Let them go hang out with the boys every once in a while. Let them pick the movie or TV show to watch for a change. When your husband is happy, he will want to make you happy, too. And if you’re happy, you should want to make him happy, too. Then comes the happy life.
2. Keep a scorecard of good things, not of bad ones.
One thing that is sure to trigger an argument between MrC and I is when one of us brings up the other’s mistakes or shortcomings. It’s hard not to be a nag, and it’s hard not to say I told you so when you turn out to be right. But sometimes reverse psychology is in order.
What I mean is, there are ways of saying things that resonate better. Option A: “Hey I don’t like it when you forget to flush the toilet after you pee”. Option B “Hey, I really appreciate it when you flush the toilet after peeing. Please keep doing that, ok?” See? Choose wisely.
3. It’s okay to go to sleep angry. But start tomorrow with a hug and a kiss.
Unless you are the type who doesn’t mind arguing until the break of dawn, I say just go to sleep angry and allow yourself to cool your head. Just make sure that as soon as you wake up, brush it off and make peace. Hug it out, kiss it out, or do whatever it is you do to make peace in the morning.
4. Forgive and forget. Or if you really can’t forget, fake it til you make it.
Let me make one thing clear, this doesn’t mean lying to your spouse or pretending to be ok when you aren’t. It only means that you should forgive wholeheartedly, and move on from whatever issue you guys just overcame. It’s not easy to get over hurt. Believe me, I know. But when you commit to forgiveness, moving forward comes with it.
Take as long as you need to forget, but while you’re at it there’s no need to keep bringing up the issue. Sometimes all you need to do to really get over the hurt is to get over yourself and start seeing things from a different perspective.
5. Be embarrassingly silly together.
MrC and I have been together for so long that he’s had to wash my butt after pooping (before an operation, I was strapped on to an IV tube, okay?) and I’ve had to cut his crazy toe nails more than once. We use the bathroom at the same time, and no it’s not for sexy time. We basically have nothing to hide from each other, so much so that we can be 100% silly together.
We dance, we sing, we meow at each other, even. We fart in each others’ faces as a joke. True story. Sometimes we act like even bigger kids than our child, but that’s what keeps our marriage fun. Guess it helps that we basically grew up together, so we know and remember how much fun it was being carefree kids together.
6. Be on the same page.
Being on the same page, for us, means heading towards the same goal. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we employ the same means, but we do aim for the same outcome. Basically, it doesn’t matter if you’re on different paragraphs, as long as you’re on the same page. Makes sense?
7. Put your spouse first, even for just one day out of the week.
It’s not easy finding time to put your spouse first. That’s the truth. After the wedding, it usually feels like there’s the two of you, and then there’s the rest of the world. Well, it didn’t work that way for us. Even on our wedding day there was Little MrC to think about. And realistically speaking, once you become parents, that’s how it’s gonna be.
As a compromise, make one day husband or wife day. For just one day out of the week, put his or her needs first. Trust me, your kids will be fine with it. They may even cooperate with you and join in on daddy or mommy day. And I promise you, your spouse will appreciate the extra attention, or the extra hour of sleep.
After 15 years of being with the same person whose mood changes just as quickly as mine can, I now believe that newlywed bliss can last forever. It just needs a bit of work. It’s hard but not impossible. You both just have to want it and work on it. No. Matter. What.
How do you keep the newlywed bliss alive in your marriage?