Years ago when MrC and I discovered that we were pregnant, a few of our wise, old(er) friends told us that we should always remember to set aside time for ourselves as a couple. Back then the advice didn’t make much sense. I mean, of course we would continue to spend time together. Besides, having a kid with us would make things a lot more fun. And what could possibly get in the way of our couple time, especially since we would be living together already. That would mean more time for us right?
Welcome to reality, young and naive self! I have admittedly swallowed all of those words and thoughts I had back then. And believe me when I tell you that it was really tough coming to terms with the reality that living together, being married and having a family does not automatically equate to more quality time together as a couple. Man, this marriage thing really takes work! The difference between today and, say, a year or two ago is that I now choose to accept things and swallow my naive ideas with a nice cold root beer float (or cold beer maybe, on some days hehe). I’ve decided to charge everything to experience, and let go of the negative, hurtful, disappointing “learning hurdles” that led up to this level of relationship maturity that we now have. It’s not easy, but it’s for the best. It’s time for us to move forward.
One very important element of our relationship therapy is our return to dating. Each other, ha, not other people! Hahaha! We set aside time to go and eat out in between errands while the kiddo is at school or out doing something with his grandparents. We watch movies at home late at night and even make popcorn and iced tea to snack on. We read over coffee when we have time to spare. Sometimes, we even choose to read the same books at the same time and then we talk about the chapters and characters that we like and dislike as we progress. We listen to music together. We dance in the kitchen early in the morning when no one else is awake. Note that this is not romantic, it’s comedic. Like Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. We find time and we make an effort a million times more now than we did 1-, 2-, even 5- years ago. And in the process, we’ve learned to enjoy being together again, just the two of us, when we can get that chance.
Now I understand how much that little bit of wisdom meant. It took years and unimaginable experiences for us to realize its essence, and now that we have, things are better. Life is better. We even fight with a purpose now, and that is to understand each other. Believe me when I tell you that we used to fight just to fight. If you’re married, you probably know what I mean.
So mommies, go and date your husbands. And daddies, go date your wives. I’m sure lolo and lola wouldn’t mind having the kid/s over for a night or even just an afternoon. I promise you, you will be so glad that you took the time and made the extra effort.